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Smart homes are homes that can be controlled by the touch of a button Sawdust.Now that you've got the basics of composting it's time to get started. paper cars, Schools,tesla free energy device, well me..")-these all seem like bad techniquesSo where SHOULD you start First I can't urge you enough to process both your secret and its revelation in some way You can do this via journaling or confession or speaking into a tape recorder I'd most highly recommend some sessions with a therapist These means you get to initially sort the secret out--kind of like a practice session and particularly with the therapist you can go through again what you're most afraid of in releasing this secretThen pick right moment This is important but of course if you have a new and urgent secret you're going to have less flexibility In one family I worked with the husband had been a closet homosexual during the entire marriage and had now contracted and was dying of AIDS He had fewer options open to him in revealing the secret of his homosexuality to his family since the matter had become urgent and time-boundBut let's say it's not of that nature Perhaps you're going to tell your spouse about a date rape that happened decades ago Or let's say you want to share with your partner the fact that many years ago you had been obese and had gastric bypass surgery Here you have more flexibility about when do open the topic So don't choose to share this secret at a time of tension anywayThen open the secret by degrees testing the water Tell the part of the story with the easiest layer first Start with a "just the facts ma'am" approach and see how things naturally progress from there Begin with the easiest people to tell-if it is appropriate to tell such people I've found from my practice that young adults who are coming out often tell the people farthest from them genetically first--and build up the strength to tell their parents last Of course if the people who really should know the secret from you will find it out from one of the other people you've told first this choice is right-out You know how your own social group-dynamics work; use your own best judgmentOther tips: don't construct a whole back story behind your secret to cover your guilt I know it's tempting--I really do--but the moment when you finally share your secret is not the time for excuses or lies Resist the urge to excuse yourself and certainly don't create a new tissue of fabrication to explain your withholding; it just heaps trouble on trouble Sit with the discomfortDon't tell the person to whom you're telling your secret that they in turn must hold your secret Your secret then becomes their burden Before you tell someone think through your selection of confidantes and ask yourself what knowing your secret might be like for the person you're about to tell If you're fearful that s/he might spread the information ask yourself three questions: 1) Is this the right person to tell is it a person who usually feels the need to spread information around; 2) Will they tell people who: a) really shouldn't know or b) I need to tell first; and 3)Why do I care if other people know What am I so afraid of Some of these answers might change whom you choose to tellBe careful if telling your secret creates an unhealthy triangle Evan Imber-Black a psychologist who has done extensive work on secrets within families writes of such a situation "the secret wedges a boulder between those who know it and those who don't To remove this obstacle families must break the triangle formation" [from Psychologytodaycom July 8 1998 interview] What that means practically is that you might not be able to pick the person you are closest to to share in your secret You might not be able to pick your oldest daughter your closest sibling or even your best friendTell the people who you owe it to do so yourself If someone who should have heard about your secret from you is going to find out from someone else you are obligated to tell that someone first This is crucial to trust in a relationshipThis actually brings me to a topic I feel strongly about which is sharing information with your kids So if you and your spouse are thinking of divorcing and have gone so far as to discuss the possibility with others outside the house the likelihood that your children will hear is there and they can found out from others who aren't their primary source of love and trustThis is true of adoption as well Are you and your spouse really the only people who know your children are adopted My guess is that some other people noticed that you skipped that rather un-short-lived pregnancy stage If your children will learn about this from someone else you really must tell them yourselves--and the earlier the betterAnd what about a serious illness or a lost job Many parents--nobly--want to protect their children from the pain and fear of knowing that a parent is ill or is in financial distress But are these secrets kept so well even in the house that the children really can't guess what's occurring My assumption is no And again if you've told other people around town your kids will hear things They are savvier than we give them credit for And they will be terribly hurt not to have learned the truth from youBy using the techniques elucidated above you can lift the heavy weight of secrecy off your shoulders live a life without fear of detection and be to paraphrase the Army the most honest and real you that you can be or trying to tell your secret while your spouse is running out of the house ("Hang on there, authoritative,tesla drive range, mold and adjust in the cultural surroundings. square footage and more.
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